The Lipstick Controversy
by GirlDressedInBlack
Summary: The Doctor buys make-up for the Mistress and gets a variety of results through the years.
1. Chapter 1

_I'm cleaning all the old fanfic from my computer by finishing and posting it all then I'm going to write all the one shots I have planned and then I might be able to finally finish this one fic I've been working on for about seven years now if I count three years of simmering and research._

 _Can't believe I didn't finish this one earlier!_

The Doctor inspects the tube curiously; 'Bewitched'. He smirks in amusement, looking at the colour displayed. Perhaps she would like that shade?

He picks up the tester tube, untwists the cap, locates the small mirror and carefully applies lipstick along the bottom and top of his lips. He rubs them together twice and fills in the rest.

He peers into the mirror, bending down to do so, and pouts, conjuring her face in his mind.

No. Far too light for her at the moment. Something darker with more blue in it. Maybe a deep purple? It would stop her from smiling at him looking like she'd just bitten someone to death, sure, but would purple really be any better?

He lets her image fade from his mind and considers himself in the mirror.

Handsome- of course.

He can't help but feel that he's slightly more lovable looking than usual- kissable in fact.

Maybe he should buy that one for himself?

He notices movement behind him. A human is scowling into the mirror and tapping him on the shoulder. The Doctor turns, smiling as charmingly as he can.

"Hello, what can I do for you?" The Time Lord asks, considering what Missy might like best. Maybe something as close to her old shade as possible might be his best bet?

"Could you stop wearing the women's make up sir? It is most uncouth and extremely unhygienic." The human with facial hair hisses angrily.

The Doctor stands taller, eyebrows descending into attack mode.

"I am well within my rights to wear make up if I should choose to. How else am I meant to decide what shade would suit her best?" The Time Lord retorts, "And as for unhygienic do you think someone of my age and with my highly developed intelligence- not to mention attractiveness, look at me, I'm handsome aren't I? Pretty even. Do you think I wouldn't know ?" The man steps back as the Time Lord gesticulates wildly, his own hands coming up in defence.

"I'm so sorry sir- I didn't realise you were buying for your wife. You have my most sincere apologies for mistaking you for one of that sort. I would still ask that you instead use the back of your hand as a substitute- most women find it just as serviceable and you have in fact been causing quite a stir." The human stammers. The Doctor looks past the man.

A young woman- young even by the mayflies' standards- stares at him, lips ajar and a soft blush on her pale cheeks. The Doctor smiles apologetically and the girl's blush intensifies. She smiles back tentatively, hand twitching by her side as she considers waving and decides against it at the last second.

The human looks away and keeps walking over to the counter.

"Wait- you said wife. Why did you say wife?" The Doctor asks, turning back to the human in front of him. The man smiles a little then.

"Ah- I'm sorry. Your mistress then?" He says, tapping his nose.

The Time Lord just blinks.

"Ah- no- not really. She's my oldest friend." He replies, disturbed by the human's wording, "Never mine though. She's her own person." He says sternly, brandishing the lipstick at the man.

The human steps back again, arms coming up in defence.

"I never said otherwise." He says quickly, "I'll just let you get on sir. Please try and remember to use your hand." He says nervously.

The Doctor sniffs affronted and just gets on with his shopping.

He does end up buying Bewitched for himself and a plum shade for the Mistress.


	2. Chapter 2

The Doctor looks at the display curiously- he doesn't know why they change the names of these things so much.

He unscrews the cap on one of them and looks at the specks of glitter in it with a small amount of confusion.

It's a deep purple, almost a violet.

Why the glitter though?

He runs it over his lips, rubbing them together with practised motions and shuffles to the side to see in the long mirror running the length of the display.

Well it doesn't suit him unfortunately but he can tell instantly that Missy will love it. He buys one of each colour they have, oblivious to two girls in crop tops laughing at him rather unsubtly.

He makes sure to search for her more usual shades, grabbing them too and the closest approximation to his own favourite colour.

It does require trying on twenty-four different shades before he gets the right one but he doesn't really mind.

He puts one of the paler ones in his basket too. He thinks the humans call it lip gloss and it's not what Missy normally wears at all but nevertheless he thinks it will suit her.

"Um- sir?"

The Doctor turns, blinking owlishly at the rather confused looking human who had been tailing him for the last twenty minutes (not that he'd noticed as involved in his comparisons as he was).

"Yes?" He asks, staring at her with raised eyebrows.

She looks down at his basket and her mouth drops a little, eyebrows shooting up.

Quickly she steps back, both hands in the air.

"Sorry sir- it's just- we thought you might be- don't let it bother you. I'm sorry about this." She blusters, still eyeing his prospective purchases with shock.

"It's just we wondered if perhaps you needed some help- you see most men don't have a clue what to get for their girlfriends and it's a bit- you know- to try lipstick on in the way you did. It looks like you have everything handled though sir- I'm sorry for bothering you." She tries to explain.

The Doctor misunderstands.

"Oh no- she's not my girlfriend- we're friends." The girl smiles widely, eyes narrowing a little as she lets out a laugh.

"Of course. Of course! Don't worry- I believe you. Good luck though!" She says, still grinning and heading over to another customer waving at her with a grumpy expression.

"Ah- sorry- got to go! Hope you have a good day sir!" The human exclaims.

The Doctor stares after her in confusion.

As it turns out the Mistress is very fond of glitter lipstick. She seems uncertain of the pale pink lip gloss.


	3. Chapter 3

The Doctor runs a bright red over his lips.

Maybe the Mistress would like this shade- a change from the pale direction she'd been going in recently but a bit of a throwback. He'd chance it anyway.

If she doesn't it matches rather well with his burgundy blazer anyway.

He picks up a small tube and twists it open to a tiny little brush coated in a black fluid.

Eye liner.

Maybe he should try it?

Or not- that's always been more of the Master's thing. He'd probably poke his eye out of something.

The Time Lord barely has time to lift the brush end close to his eye in curiosity before an excited looking student who he thinks is turning up to his lectures slaps him on the back and shouts something that sounds like 'Screw the patriarchy!'.

The Doctor stares after them in confusion.

A group of students approaches, all laughing.

"Go Professor!"

"Stick it to the stereotypical man!"

They hover around him oddly until he manages to evade them by going into a bank.

Students seem afraid of them for some reason.

"Humans are really weird." He mutters as he makes his way through the vault doors that evening.

The Mistress merely raises an eyebrow.

"You ever thought they weren't." She asks, closing her book, "Oh! New eyeliner- I have been running out!"


End file.
